The Agreement

Scene 1

(Metatron’s office. Metatron sits at his desk, reading a file on the computer. He looks bored out of his mind as he scrolls. Gabriel enters with a large folder.)

Gabriel: I finally finished revising the new damned protocol sir, just like you asked.

(Metatron turns to Gabriel and smiles. He takes the folder and flips through it.)

Metatron: Thanks so much Gabriel. I appreciate it.

Gabriel: One thing caught my attention when I was proof-reading it though sir.

Metatron: Oh?

(Metatron puts the papers down on his desk and motions for Gabriel to take a seat. Gabriel does so.)

Gabriel: It struck me as unfair to allow humans in Hell to eventually have a second chance at Heaven and not the fallen. Lucifer and countless others have worked very hard to help organize and run the underworld but they get nothing out of this agreement between Heaven and Hell.

(Metatron nods slowly. Gabriel shrugs.)

Gabriel: It may just be my function talking, but I think they should be given a similar chance at redemption. After all, the purpose of Hell is an intense purgatory. It’s not supposed to be permanent, according to this document. Why should it be temporary for human souls but permanent for the fallen?

Metatron: You have an excellent point Gabriel. I’ll mention it to Yahweh when I hand this document over to It.

(Gabriel nods shortly and stands up and makes to leave. Metatron clears his throat.)

Metatron: Gabriel?

(Gabriel turns around.)

Gabriel: Yes sir?

Metatron: I would appreciate it if you didn’t mention your idea to anyone for the time being. Especially Lucifer and Michael.

(Gabriel smiles cheerfully at Metatron.)

Gabriel: Don’t worry, I won’t!

Metatron: Thank you.

(Gabriel exits.)

Scene 2

(Metatron enters God’s office. God is sitting on the computer, playing solitaire.)

Metatron: M’lord?

(God squeaks and turns to Metatron. It is in male form with bright red hair in a pony tail, jeans and a grey t-shirt.)

God: Ah, Metatron! What papers do you bring me now?

Metatron: Gabriel finished revising the new damned protocol.

(Metatron tosses the papers at God. God catches them and begins to leaf through.)

God: Gabriel’s got to stop correcting every grammar mistake.

Metatron: That’s just Gabriel, m’lord. He did say something to me when he dropped the document off that’s worth considering.

God: Oh?

Metatron: He explains the idea in depth in about 10 post-it notes he added to the last page, but he finds it unfair that we’re giving the human souls a second chance but not the fallen. I think I have to agree with him.

God: Mmm. I’ll read the post-it notes and call him in tomorrow. Thank you, Metatron.

(Metatron bows and exits.)

Scene 3

(Hell, Lucifer’s office. Lucifer sits at his desk talking animatedly to Azrael.)

Lucifer: So at that point the roof is a giant chicken and me an’ Uriel are running after the damn thing when who walks out of Grace? METATRON!

Azrael: NO!

Lucifer: YES!

(They break into a fit of giggles. Suddenly Lucifer’s phone rings.)

Lucifer: (Wiping a tear from his eye.) Hang on. (He picks up the phone.) Hello, Lucifer Morningstar, present ruler of Hell and all around sexy bastard here! Talk to me!

(Azrael snickers in the background. Lucifer holds the phone away from his ear for a moment and then puts the phone back to his ear.)

Lucifer: Yahweh I am so sorry, I didn’t realize--

(Azrael falls onto the floor in a fit of giggles. Lucifer glares at his friend.)

Lucifer: SHUT UP! (Into the phone.) NOT YOU, M’LORD, I WAS YELLING AT AZRAEL!

(Azrael laughs even harder. Lucifer sighs into the phone.)

Lucifer: Really, I’m sorry,Your Holiness. (Pause.) An addendum to the agreement? Well, I don’t see why not. What is it? (Pause.) Gabriel will come to explain it. Okay. When? An hour from now. Okay, excellent. Thank you.

(He hangs up. Azrael picks himself up off the floor. Lucifer glares.)

Lucifer: I hate you.

Azrael: That was, without a doubt, the funniest moment of my life. (He grins and then turns serious.) What was that phone call about?

Lucifer: Gabriel wants to add a new section to the contract between Heaven and Hell regarding the rehabilitation of the damned. He’s stopping by in an hour to explain it.

Azrael: I wonder what Gabriel would want to add. After all, almost all of the agreement was his idea to begin with.

Lucifer: I’m curious to. (He smiles.) We’ll just have to wait and see, won’t we? Now, where was I in my story?

Azrael: Metatron seeing the chicken roof.

Lucifer: Oh yes! So anyway, his jaw drops and--

Scene 4

(An hour later. Gabriel knocks on the door to Lucifer’s office. Lucifer opens the door and smiles.)

Lucifer: Gabriel!

Gabriel: Good to see you, Lux!

(They hug. Lucifer then closes the door.)

Lucifer: Please, take a seat. God said you wanted to add something onto the agreement.

Gabriel: Yes, yes.

(Gabriel takes a seat in front of Lucifer’s desk. Lucifer sits behind his desk and looks at Gabriel intently.)

Lucifer: What is it?

Gabriel: While reading over the final draft of the agreement, something struck me as odd. Human souls in Hell are being given a second chance, but the fallen angels are not.

Lucifer: Yes well, Hell is for them, isn’t it? For their rehabilitation, according to the agreement.

Gabriel: But what about yours? (He frowns.) You guys should be given a second chance too.

(Lucifer pauses for a moment and blinks.)

Lucifer: But Hell is eternal punishment for us. Is God really considering this?

(Gabriel nods slowly. Lucifer is taken aback.)

Lucifer: You’re offering us redemption.

Gabriel: Well, not me exactly, and there are specific guide lines and--

Lucifer: You’re offering us redemption. (He smiles to himself.) What do we have to do?

Gabriel: Well, I’m sure God will want to work out the final details, but as long as the world ends through natural means and there’s no souls left in Hell, I think it would be fair to judge you guys by your merits, just like we do with the humans.

Lucifer: And if we pass the requirements we can return home. What if we don’t?

Gabriel: Well then…(beat.) I don’t know. I never really considered it. I guess you can just spend your days in Hell. Or on Earth alone. Or maybe somewhere else entirely.

(Gabriel looks at Lucifer. Lucifer smiles happily to himself.)

Gabriel: Lux?

Lucifer: I’d love to add this to the agreement Gabriel, but I think you need to fully write out the requirements for redemption and bring it to council.

Gabriel: Lucifer, if I bring this to council there’s a good chance it can get shot down.

Lucifer: God can override the veto.

Gabriel: Yes well--

Lucifer: Write a final draft. Submit it to me and I’ll send it back to you with any notes or corrections. Then get it to God and then let Yahweh do what It wishes. I personally feel it should be submitted to Heaven’s council, as I plan on allowing Hell’s council to take a look at the initial draft you send me.

Gabriel: Sounds like a good idea, I suppose.

(Gabriel and Lucifer stand up. They shake hands.)

Gabriel: Just don’t get your hopes up just yet Lux. Heaven may shoot it down.

Lucifer: Hell may shoot it down too, but redemption’s a nice thing to dream about. I’ll see you later, Gabey.

(Gabriel exits Lucifer’s office. Lucifer sinks into his chair and smiles to himself.)

Scene 6

(A week later. Heaven’s high council. Gabriel has the floor.)

Gabriel: After carefully reviewing what’s being called the Agreement, an additional section has been included. Heaven and Hell are taking a vote on this addendum, Section XIV, due to the controversy it may cause. God allowed me to submit this section at the last minute. I have discussed it with God and Lucifer and they both find the guidelines for the redemption of fallen angels fair. However, I want to open the floor up to debate and take a vote before this section is officially added to the document. So anyone who has something to say, speak up!

(Michael stands up.)

Michael: Gabriel, what are you thinking?! I’m saying this as my function. Section XIV is completely wrong. Allowing the fallen angels to return to Heaven only means there would be another war eventually! Sure, some of them might get blinked out of existence, but what if the more dangerous angels are able to re-enter? Hell might change some aspects of an angel’s personality, but I highly doubt that Hell has the ability to change every aspect of an angel. This is an infringement of justice. Hell is to punish the fallen! They shouldn’t be allowed to leave there. Period.

Raziel: So, tell us how you really feel about the idea of Lucifer returning to Heaven, Michael.

(Uriel stifles a laugh. Metatron blinks in surprise and Michael glares.)

Michael: Excuse me? WHAT WAS THAT?

Raziel: (Laughs.) C’mon, we all know the section’s gonna be added in. The debate is totally moot. God wouldn’t let us have this discussion otherwise. Besides, we all know why you oppose it. You hate any and all fallen on the basis that they’re fallen and somehow allied with Lucifer.

Jophiel: Raziel, stop.

Michael: (Growing more angry.) No, no, let the angel finish. (He grits his teeth.)

Raziel: You all know I’m right. If God didn’t want to add Section XIV to the Agreement the idea would have been promptly thrown out the window and we wouldn’t be here now. If the section is voted down, God can override the veto. Thus, this debate is pointless.

Raphael: You’re suggesting that the entire due process of law is nothing but God allowing us the illusion of democracy?

Raziel: Well, in this case, yes.

(The entire council stares at Raziel. Raziel shrugs.)

Raziel: I’m not saying it happens all the time! Just…now…it’s kind of well, silly. (He shrugs.) Then again, we’re not here to debate the nature of God.

Metatron: Yes but you’ve brought it up. And this is the sort of thing the Almighty would do.

Michael: You’re saying that God is okay with us just playing parts?

Duma: It happened more before you were born. Before Earth, really.

Michael: But. But.

Duma: But I don’t really think that’s the point here, now is it? The point is should we bother continuing this discussion if we already know the future?

Uriel: We don’t know the future for certain, but we can certainly guess at certain aspects of it with accuracy.

Metatron: Yes but it must give us pause that we’re even having this debate. We ARE being given a chance to voice opinions and vote which will affect the Almighty’s decision making.

(Gabriel sinks down on the floor. The debate continues.)

Scene 7

(Hell’s high council. Lucifer sits atop a podium, addressing the fallen.)

Lucifer: Here’s the deal guys. God is tentatively offering us a second chance. It’s called Section XIV in the Agreement and was submitted by the archangel Gabriel. Don’t know why he suggested it but it’s damn worth taking a look at because it gives us a chance to get out of Hell. Mind, we probably won’t get out of here for a very long time, but hope is hope. The guidelines are set in stone, we just need to decide if Section XIV should be kept in the Agreement or not. If people want to debate the idea, speak now. If not, we’ll go right to the voting! Anyone want to take the floor?

(He looks up tentatively. Satan stands up. Lucifer groans inwardly.)

Satan: How can we be assured the Almighty will agree to this bargin? Sure, Gabriel might submit it but do you think Heaven’s gonna let it pass? Moreover, this stinks of set up. Sure, let the good angels in, weed out the bad ones and then what? Go back to the way things were? Things can never go back to the way they were before the Lucifian War and we all know it. This section XIV attempts to sweep the past under the rug under the mantra of “forgive and forget”. We shouldn’t forget what we had to deal with for three years and the pain we’ve endured in Hell.

Sariel: Hang on a second. What? Satan, your reasoning is faulty as best and politically motivated to be a pain in the arse at worse.

Satan: What was that Sariel?! You’re calling me on being a pain in the ass while you’re gonna sit by and let Hell’s residents be blinked out of existence?

Sariel: Well if the lack of existing is your main arguing point, talk about that instead of instigating debate for petty political reasons you douche bag!

Lucifer: SARIEL! SATAN! KNOCK IT OFF! (He glares.) Yes, there is a serious consequence here and that is we could not exist. Hell will disappear off the map.

Asmodeus: Sir? If I could have the floor for a moment?

Lucifer: You don’t have to ask. (He nods.) Go right ahead Asmodeus.

Asmodeus: Wait, wait, hang on. What’s all this about not existing?

Lucifer: (Raises an eyebrow.) Did you read the document?

Asmodeus: (Slightly embarrassed.) I was unable to read all of the section prior to coming here.

Lucifer: (Sighs.) Fair enough. According to what Gabriel has sent me, fallen that fail to meet the cut will be blinked out of existence.

Asmodeus: So by adding Section XIV to the Agreement there’s a chance we may eventually cease to be.

Lucifer: (Quietly.) Yes.

Asmodeus: I see. And this is Gabriel suggesting this addendum. That seems somewhat out of character for him.

(The group murmmers.)

Asmodeus: I’m not trying to discourage the hope of returning home, but someone has to play devil’s advocate without a political motivation. We need to think long and hard about if Heaven is worth risking our lives for yet again.

Azrael: Asmodeus may be right about the fact we have to face a potentially deadly situation but think about what we’re being offered here. Redemption. A clean slate. That offer alone should make us approve Section XIV!

Sariel: Not everyone is as comfortable with death as you are Azrael. (She frowns.) We’re each being asked to agree to potential suicide thousands of years down the road. Lucifer, I think we need to be given more time to think about this.

Lucifer: I’m sorry but that’s not possible. Hell needs to submit its votes for the new section by midnight IST.

Sariel: Lucifer.

Lucifer: It wasn’t my decision! I can’t change the times, I’m sorry.

Beelzebub: Let’s get back on topic here. The point is by agreeing to Section XIV, we’re committing ourselves to reform or death. Is Heaven worth death? I say yes, of course it is! Heaven is completely right in offering us a chance at redemption. They’re showing that they’re willing to forgive and forget and let’s face it, there’s nothing we want more than to forget Hell ever happened.

Azrael: But we can’t forget Hell ever happened. That’s the point of this redemption. We learn from our past mistakes and better ourselves! From what you’re suggesting one might get the impression that once redeemed an angel can disregard everything he or she learned in Hell and do as they please!

(The debate continues.)

Scene 8

(A dual scene moment between Heaven and Hell.)

Gabriel: The results are in. (He looks down at his piece of paper.)

(Cut to Hell.)

Lucifer: It looks like the vote is….

(Cut to Heaven)

Gabriel: 124,039 for, 64,293 against! (He smiles happily.)

(Cut to Hell.)

Lucifer: 34,246 for, 2931 against. (He smiles.)

Scene 9

(God’s office. Gabriel and Lucifer walk in. God looks up from paperwork.)

God: Your respective councils have voted then?

Gabriel: Heaven’s council has voted for.

Lucifer: As has Hell’s.

(God nods slowly. Lucifer and Gabriel hand over official vote totals. God looks at them. For a moment and nods slowly. It then breaks into a smile.)

God: Well done, Gabriel. You’ve saved me from glaring hypocrisy and have given the fallen a second chance. I’ll sign the Agreement tomorrow. Lucifer?

Lucifer: Yes m’lord?

God: Don’t screw this up.

Lucifer: I won’t.

God: I’ll send a signed copy of the agreement to your office tomorrow. Good luck with your redemption.

(God extends a hand. Lucifer takes and shakes it. Lucifer and Gabriel exit.)

Scene 9

(Lucifer smiles at Gabriel.)

Lucifer: I can’t begin to thank you enough, Gabriel.

Gabriel: It’s in my job description. (He pauses and smiles at Lucifer.) It was nothing, really.

Lucifer: No, it wasn’t. So much of Hell has a second chance now because of you.

(Gabriel blushes. Lucifer hugs Gabriel and then walks off.)

Lucifer: See ya around, Gabey.

Fin.